Another Cardinal pitcher dies

29 year old St. Louis Cardinal reliever Josh Hancock was killed early this morning when his Ford Explorer rear-ended a tow truck on highway 40 in St. Louis.  Josh pitched 3 pretty good innings against the Chicago Cubs yesterday.   He had attended the annual Bob Costas Benefit fundraiser for SSM Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital last night.

There was quite a bit of flack locally because St. Louis Archbishop Raymond Burke stepped down from his post on the Board of Cardinal Glennon because Sheryl Crow was one of the perfomers.  Miss Crow supports abortion rights and stem cell research.  Billy Crystal also performed at the event.

It was five years ago when another Cardinal pitcher, Daryl Kyle, died suddenly in his hotel room in Chicago during another series with the Cubs.

Tonights game, schedules for 7:05 (CST) was postponed.  It was supposed to be on ESPN.

More on the accident   Photo by Owl from last falls World Series Victory Parade

2 COWS ?

“I don’t care how many spots you have, you are not a cow.”

via

via

You want fries with that?

This appears to have about 50 patties on it.  

via

The license

A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. It is not polite.”
“OK,” the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions and are really none of your business.” Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?” “Those are enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.
“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.”
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are, you are 32.”
The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”
“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shock now.
“How in heavens name did you find that out?”
And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”
“Oh really?” the mother asks. “Why?”
“Because you got an F in sex.”

via

House of fire

via

Everything but…

A man walks into a restaurant and asks to see a menu.
The waiter says, “No need, Sir, we can get you anything you want.”
So the man says sarcastically, mocking the waiter, “Very well, then I’d like a gorilla sandwich, please!”
The waiter replies, “I’m sorry, Sir, but I cannot get you that.”
The man laughs and says, “I thought you could get me anything?!”
Says the waiter,”I’m sorry, we’ve run out of bread!”

via

Smoke signals

At her father’s wake, a woman told her priest that ever since she was a child she and her father had discussed life after death. They had agreed that whoever went first would contact the other. They had discussed this again just two weeks before his death.

A few days after his death, the smoke alarm in her garage went off. She had lived there 28 years and it had never gone off before. She couldn’t turn it off so she called the security company that installed it.

The next morning the smoke alarm sounded again and the reason finally dawned on her. She said aloud, “Okay, dad, I missed the signal yesterday but I get it now! Thanks for letting me know that you are safe on the other side. Now turn the thing off so I don’t have to call the security company again.” The alarm fell silent.

She immediately called her priest to tell him the good news. His response: “Dear lady, if every time your father sends you a message he sets off the smoke alarm, just where do you think he is calling from?”

via

Why some men die early

via

Snot sucker

Nosefrida is a doctor recommended nasal aspirator that removes mucous from your child’s nose. When your child has a cold with a runny stuffed nose, it can be frustrating when they can not blow their own nose. Congestion interferes with sleep, feeding and makes for an overall cranky child, and parent too.

Place the large tube at the child’s nostril and the red part at the other end in your own mouth. Apply gentle suction to begin with, increasing suction as necessary until you see mucous in the large tube. The filter will protect you from getting anything near your own mouth.

I thought things were supposed to improve with technology.   We used a similar device when our kids were small, but it had a ball at the end that you squeezed (like a turkey baster).  We didn’t suck the snot out personally.

via

Laws of life

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee. 
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner, even if it is square. 
Law of Visual Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. 
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. 
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. 
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. 
Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 
Law of the Theater: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. 
Law of Coffee Temperature: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 
Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 
Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the cost of the carpet. 
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about. 
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly. 
Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. 
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 
Law of Location: No matter where you go,  there you are!

Thanks Donnie Mac