Bits & PiecesDelete

February 28, 2007

Dead dog

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 9:51 pm

One down, one to go.

Dead dog

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Giving back to the community

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 9:45 pm

Yummy

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 9:38 pm

Horsebuttholes

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Dr. House on Grey’s Anatomy in the E.R.

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 9:37 pm

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Kids are pretty smart

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 9:29 pm

Who said children are getting dumber every year? Check out the wisecracks below and judge for yourselves:

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That’s impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn’t, Teacher. I’m eight today.

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can’t fool me, Teacher…snakes don’t have feet.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don’t bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

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Whiskey and water trick

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 9:18 pm

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Beer quotes

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 9:14 pm

Here are just a few:

  • “People who drink light “beer” don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.” -Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI.
  • “I’m not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.” -Noel Coward
  • Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. –Ernest Hemingway
  • Mike Hammer drinks beer because I can’t spell cognac. -Mickey Spillane
  • The Pope doesn’t recognize the Protestants, Christians don’t recognize Islam, and Baptists don’t recognize each other in the liquor store. –Old Southern Saying
  • Liquor before Beer, Never Fear. Beer before Liquor, Never Sicker. –Oft-ignored college saying
  • I wasn’t drunk in Public. I was drunk in a bar. They THREW me into Public. –Ron White
  • Spilling your beer is the worst form of alcohol abuse — Author unknown
  • “And I thought to myself, ‘I haven’t had a Schlitz since the third grade!’”- Robert Earl Keen

More

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Calling Dr. Bear

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 8:52 pm

Bear

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Hitching a ride

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 8:47 pm

Hitching

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Why are there 28 days in February?

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonco48 @ 8:44 pm

070227_EX_calendarThe short answer – No one knows why.  But here’s an interesting theory that involves the Romans, Julius Caesar, Duma Pompilius, and the fact that months with even numbered days were unlucky.

I read through it and don’t really know much more now than I did before I read it.

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