November 30, 2005
Woman has 2 vaginas
Owning a pair of vaginas doubles your fun!
She’s one in a million. Well, technically, I guess she’s sort of two in a million. That is, she has two vaginas, two uteruses and two cervixes.
On the other hand, J’s uterus didelphys – the technical name for her matching lady bits – is, according to one of the many gynecologists who’ve poked around down there over the years, literally one in a million. In and around there, anyway.
“It’s really, really rare,” J proudly explains. “There are more cases of women having just two wombs or just two vaginas or two cervixes, but I’ve got the whole kit times two.”
Well, except the clitoris.
“Are you kidding?” laughs J. “If I had two clits, I’d never leave the house!”
Woman gets new nose , lips, and chin in first face transplant
Surgeons in France have carried out the first face transplant, it has been reported.
The woman had lost her nose, lips and chin after being savaged by a dog.
In the controversial operation, tissues, muscles, arteries and veins were taken from a brain-dead donor and attached to the patient’s lower face.
Doctors stress the woman will not look like her donor, but nor will she look like she did before the attack – instead she will have a “hybrid” face.
It has been technically possible to carry out such a transplant for some years, with teams in the US, the UK and France researching the procedure.
Skin from another person’s face is better for transplants as it will be a better match than skin from another part of the patient’s body, which could have a different texture or colour.
November 29, 2005
Just Zip it!
The ultimate in women’s body piercing
Men all over the country are urging their wives and sweethearts to get this ’chic’ procedure.
The going rate on the east coast now exceeds five digits $$$$$.
Heck, it just might be worth it.!
Thanks Phyllis
Cleaning ladies suck for big buck$
Two cleaning ladies are being investigated for using industrial vacuum cleaners to suck cash out of casino slot machines.
The women allegedly stole hundreds of thousands of pounds in cash out of slot machines in a Slovenian casino.
The police have now been called in after bosses at Casino Korona in the Kranjska Gora ski resort grew suspicious.
They say money started disappearing from slot machines after the casino closed for the night.
Officers believe at least two of the casino’s cleaning ladies had been using the giant vacuum cleaners for months to suck cash out of the machine’s slots.
Casino bosses estimate the women could have stolen up to £330,000 pounds but cannot prove it. Obviously they did a good job cleaning up after themselves.
The entire cleaning staff has been fired.
New state mottos
Here are just a few:
- Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
- California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
- Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy’s Don’t Own It-Yet
- Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”
- Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
- Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
- Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes… And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
- Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
- Oregon: Spotted Owl… It’s What’s For Dinner
- Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
- Wyoming: Where Men Are Men … and the sheep are scared
Covertly extend your lunch hour with Lunchclock
What on earth is lunchclock?
lunchclock is a JavaScript clock that distorts time to give you a longer lunch hour. lunchclock discreetly runs fast in the morning, runs slow over lunch, and runs fast again in the afternoon. The result is that the length of your working day is unchanged, but you can sneak a few extra minutes onto your lunch break.
How do I use lunchclock?
You simply enter the details of your working day and the desired lunch period extension, then click on ‘Launch lunchclock’. lunchclock launches in a new browser window, and displays a large clock. You can press F11 to make the window go full-screen. Simply run lunchclock on a computer in a prominent position in your office or workplace. lunchclock has most effect when your boss can see both your desk and the lunchclock at the same time. Alternatively, run lunchclock on your own computer so everybody around you can see what time you’re running on – but don’t forget to turn off your screen saver.
How does lunchclock work?
lunchclock uses a chrono-distortion algorithm to calculate how much to speed up or slow down the clock based on the details of your working day and your desired lunch period extension. If, for example, your lunch period is 12:00 until 13:00, and you set a lunch period extension of 1 hour, lunchclock runs fast during the morning and reaches 12:00 when it is really 11:30. lunchclock then runs slow and reaches 13:00 when it is really 13:30. lunchclock then runs fast again until the end of your working day.
Of course a 1 hour extension is way too obvious, but use lunchclock with a 1 to 5 minute extension and it is almost impossible to detect! lunchclock is written in JavaScript and runs in a web browser window. It uses your computers own clock as a reference, so you should make sure that it is correct.
